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Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Management of emotions is a tricky and, yeah, nasty business. Sometimes, my heart leaps with joy whenever I catch a glimpse of him. Better still, when I get to exchange smiles with him albeit the thrill is always so short. When he smiles, the memory of it can drive adrenaline through my body and almost make me rocket into sky. Ahhhhh.... Yet, on some days, when I see him being so friendly with other girls, jealousy grips me so violently. And I have a tough time struggling to wrestle myself away from jealousy's claws. Not that I am possessive. I am certainly not. Yet, I can never understand why my poor heart so willingly surrenders itself to such sweet misery. Liking him has created such tremendous emotional tumult I have never experienced before. Pray, the-one-I-like, please save me from this craziness! Posted by |z|r| at
Monday, January 30, 2006
Beliefs are ideas which are mentally accepted as to be true. When a person believes in something, he consciously judges the idea and then attaches the value of correctness to it and in the process of doing so, also attaches his feeling of correctness to it. Therefore, a belief is not only something you think is true, but also something you feel is true. Some time ago, I was compelled to re-examine my beliefs and question myself why I believe in what I believe - including my religious faith. I remember there was once I declared to a good friend that having no religious faith is better than having one because faith, per se, can be dangerous. Indeed, it is. Faith is a more intense belief; there is a very strong emotional attachment to an idea one thinks is true. And faith is an important element in any religion, for without faith, there can be no religion because religion itself requires a certain degree of submission to a fixed set of ideas. As much innocuous as faith seems, the potential dangers lurking therein are very real. In recent times, we have witnessed for ourselves the enormous extent of destruction of human lives and property wrecked by terrorists, who placed unquestioning, fanatical faith not in just their religion, but also in the ostensible religious leaders who have a far murkier private agenda. Such is the power of faith, that could drive a person to do the most unimaginable things. If you most implicitly believe that you could go to Paradise by dying under the right circumstances, you will be most predisposed to die under those circumstances - even if it means deliberately activating bombs on your body and killing other people (not just yourself) in the process. Such is the power of faith. Evidently, our beliefs permeate and influence much of our behaviour. Let's not debate about whether we should have beliefs or not but it's undeniable that beliefs play a crucial role in how we function in and interact with the external world. Because of the way we think, we inadvertently bring to life our thoughts in our speech and actions. Therefore, when we take up a belief so easily and so convincingly and not challenge it, the belief becomes dangerous. And it was on this premise that I told my friend that religious faith is dangerous. Because religion has an inherent tendency to explain the world in its dogmatic absolutes and command absolute belief in them - blind faith. And so, I had been questioning myself whether what I had believed all along was truly and indeed based on blind faith. Did I believe because it was stated in the books? Did I believe because my parents do? Did I believe because everyone says so? Did I believe because it is comfortable to believe in what I do? Did I believe because my past experiences seemed to suggest so? As these questions slowly sank in, it became clear that it was the ultimate question: What is true and what is not? Instinctively, we believe in something because it is grounded in the reality, the truth. Yet, who is to know whether it is really the truth beside this thing called Belief which adamently insists that it is so? And is that something really the truth in the first place? That is when a sceptical attitude is necessary in curtailing the dangerous power locked in religious faith. Ultimately, all, if not, most religions endeavour to alleviate suffering in one way or another by prescribing their believers a system of morals and conduct to follow. But instead of merely accepting it, we should be really asking ourselves: Is it really? We should rise to the challenge of actively questioning and testing those truths against reality and realize those truths ourselves based on human experience and then embody those truths in our speech and behaviour. The crux is then not a matter of whether God or whoever dictates us to do it, but a matter of how we live our lives. Faith through practice then transcends blind faith to become something more personal and more real. Because this faith then possesses the testimonies of your inculcated virtues of compassion, wisdom and perseverence. Then, what is really true and what not do not matter anymore. Because you have attained the goal of perfecting yourself, at least to the best you can. In the process, you, too, have alleviated much of your suffering. And it was this simple realization that I knew I am believing healthily because - well, wasn't I questioning and contemplating my beliefs just now? Posted by |z|r| at
Thursday, January 19, 2006
So, today - It was Chemistry lecture and I was sitting right at the back between my good friend and my male canoeist classmate. Unsurprisingly, my attention gradually trailed away from the lecturer's monotonous voice and I was soon chattering happily away with both friends. I don't know how but the conversation between my good friend and I arrived at graphology. In case my reader doesn't know, graphology is the practice of deducing certain personality traits from a person's handwriting. My good friend leaned over and took a glimpse at my scrawls on the notes before declaring,"You worry alot about the future, don't you?" Yes, I do and I was taken aback. Really, I didn't expect her to be so right on. Apparently, as I found out from her, the direction in which a person's handwriting slant towards to indicates whether he or she thinks more about the past or future. If your handwriting slants to the left, you are likely to be someone to remininsce the past whereas if it's to the left, you are probably a worrywart - which I am. My interest piqued, I turned over to my canoeist friend and asked to see his handwriting. It was tilting to the left alright. And then - "Of course la. Must reflect on the past so you know where you go wrong and can correct the wrong mar. Worry about the future for what? Why worry about something beyond your control? Must sui yuan (follow nature's course). If it's yours, it will be yours!" I laughed. Yet, those light-hearted words stayed with me for the rest of the day. They reflected a certain truth that I had known but had been elluding me for ages. That we can never predict or even control what happens to us. Worry is fear of the unknown in the future. And since the future is pretty much unpredictable and uncontrolled, worry is absolutely unwarranted. However, so many of us worry about things still, some even spending sleepless nights over it. That is because we harbour an emotional attachment to desirable consequences of events. For example, if I worry about my exams, I am truly thinking that if I need the necessary grades to be happy. But will good grades really make me happy? For so long, I have been worrying excessively about those unnecessary what-ifs and all it took was simple words of jest that jolted me back to reality about what things truly are. And there were those moments of nostalgia and remininscence. While my dear canoeist friend was right in saying that reflection on the past is good, but the past is ultimately the past. It is useless and meaningless to dwell in memories which are basically just remnants of the past which cannot be undone. In the end, what really matters is the present which we are really in control over. This knowledge should empower us and give us hope to persevere even in face of almost insurmountable obstacles. Happiness is our birthright and why do we have to deny it so willingly by imprisoning ourselves in the past and future? The present holds so much possibilities and that is freedom. Posted by |z|r| at
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Anyway, on the subject of orientation, I must say it has been an extremely fulfilling and unforgettable experience. The amount of blood, sweat and mental labour is immeasurable. While there was fun, it was mostly hard work too. There was the challenge of waking up at 4.45 am on some days. I remember the alarm would suddenly blare like a siren and I would groggily reach my hand out to push the damned button down. But somehow, after a moment of silent respite, the *bleep* alarm would go off again and I would have no choice but to literally drag my feet and grope my way in the darkness to the toliet. And then, there was also the part about screaming and cheering. I never remember putting in so much effort in shouting. My poor throat was so overly taxed that I don't talk but croak. Croak. Croak. Croak. Most of all, I think it's bonded the OGLs together, or at least, developed some kind of friendship amongst us all. Personally speaking, I had so much fun because of the people. There was so much bullshit but it was filthy fun nonetheless. Ah well, so much happened but there's so little to say. (No doubt some memorable things happened but I am just too lazy to type.) And what's there to say was said. Orientation's over and it's now back to the books. Zzzzzz... Posted by |z|r| at |
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kindly. SHOUT. archives credits |
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